I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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