We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
