If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize