I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
