the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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