I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I looked at my own cervix.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
