Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
why is half of my head shaved?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
