happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
