why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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