you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize