You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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