Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
