wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
These tits shall not be calmed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
