i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im holly from the hills drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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