I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
