I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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