I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
