...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
