I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
