did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
