Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
