Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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