Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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