On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
