We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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