Your mouth is God's brothel.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
