so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
