I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
