They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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