I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
