i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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