There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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