I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
