no, he came in my armpit
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
