Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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