I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
