I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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