She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
