wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
