guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
