She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
