Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
