My brain says no but my pants say off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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