Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
