that's an acceptable place to lick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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