I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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