Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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