I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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