apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
