dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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