the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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