I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
