I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize