this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
