Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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