do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
