Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
