Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
