we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize