Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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