Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
