i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
