I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize