come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
