Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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