just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
