So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
