dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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