shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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